Thursday, September 25, 2008

THEORY OF EID

Before Eid comes shopping. AND LET ME tell you this is a saak for our owes. Let me tell you some real life events. I was walking in Fordsburg. Met a buddy tugging along like he is walking in a desert. He asked me, Is there a HRN in Lenz.I said Ya..he reckon F#4k .I gotta go to Lenz and teh Roza is a belter. These chicks they just wanna go for the cruise. They dont buy nothing.....lenz, Sandton, Fordsburg...Wats the f#4ken difference.

Then us single owes went to Sandton. We met a few married guys there, standing alone in the corner of a packed mall. The guy says.You guys are so lucky, I wish i was you. I reckon why. He said only in Ramadaan all these badaams come out to play. And they only smile at you when you have a pram. And my vrou has been shopping since 6 o clock this morning. I cant take it.The environment is too harsh. and We have to take them shopping .......If we dont...who bloody hell will And thats one time you actually appreciate being single
swoosh

I have approx 40 blogs linked and had the opportunity to go through all of them the past 2 days.. And let me tell you, some of them are in a sad state of affairs.. Not by appearance or by glamour BUT by their content.. But thats besides the point, lets get to current affairs.. And let me tell u another story.. I open the newspaper today, after like over a month and i see Elaine from Seinfeld running for US vice-presidency and even heard that we had no leader for a weekend.. Enuf ranting, time to get to the matter at hand.. The most anticipated day in the Muslim calender is under a week away and preparations are well set for this day..


by Takilla .NOT FOR SENSITIVE VIEWERS,IF IT OFFENDS,,,DONT CLICK..SIMPLE
read more.......................
http://killa.co.za/blog/

and since its ramadaan..Heres Killa's THEORY OF SARBAT

To those of you who are unfamiliar with the term SARBAT.. It is a nourishing drink made of water, pistachios, sliced badaam, tukmuria, elachi seeds and the main ingredient Rose Syrup (Rooh Afza being the best brand).. Now where does one find this drink.. Well it is mainly served with the starters/upon entering a hall at a wedding but the main origin of SARBAT comes in an ENAGEMENT.. Thats ryt, some indian folk even call the engagegement a SARBAT.. So lets investigate this event further..
Firstly this is the most futile and money wasting function ever. There is abosultely no objective to it and the effort and time wasted on it is irreplaceable.. The engagement normally happens in a small venue.. Either a large outdoor function under a tent at home or a small hired out hall.. Invites are very scarce in this function.. Tis like one of em Mafia meetings.. If u get an invite, u probably someone important in the union to be.. The girls side will get like 50 seats and the boys side like 15 and 20 if they lucky.. So if u a guy and u have like 4 siblings, that makes 6 with your parents and 10 with both sets of grand parents.. U then totally fucked when it comes to inviting uncles and aunts.. And not to forget your 2 best friends.. So they all come..
Its normally mainly on a Sunday afternoon and Biryani is a 99% must along with cold cokes and of course SARBAT on every table.. Now once the lunch is over the festivities begin.. Now this is class.. Ur (boy’s side) ppl go meet her ppl and decide a date.. (NOW COULDNT THIS BE DECIDED OVER A PHONE CALL).. So they ggo in.. In the meanwhile the Girl (bride to be) has already told her negotiation party which date she wants, based on her cycles, wedding clothes sales, Edgars makeup sale and enough time to embed her hair with AMLA and CHAMELI oil so that its all ready and long for the big day.. So the 2 parties meet.. Girls side submit their date, boys side accept (basically have no choice - COMPROMISE starts from today).. They come out and tell u.. U then check ur phone and realise teh LIVERPOOL vs CHELSKI game will be on that night.. And u like WTF but then realise u will score that night and just accept it.. Once that is done the DAMAAL (trouble starts)..
The feeding of the MEETHAI (sweet meats).. This is when members of the girl side hand feed you sweet meats and vice versa for the bride.. And always 2 over sized aunty’s from the girls side start.. Like Beebop and Rocksteady they approach you.. One with BURFEE and one with a RED CHEWY JELLY LOOKING THING.. And on top of it all u notice the MENDHI HANDS.. And then u just embrace urself.. Your 2 best men that tagged along try their best to protect you but to no avail.. Shredder’s men have infiltrated your cavity area and are hand shoveing GLOBS (like a HUGE chunk) of sweet meats down your throat.. Bear in mind they 50 and u 15.. They have more firepower than u.. And the dish it all out.. MAGAJ, NAAN KHATAI, SUTA PHETTI, JALEBI, GULAB JAMBOO, BURFEE, GREEN CHEWY THING, u name it they dish it to you.. Now there are a few tips upon this experience.. Have a 1.25l COKE on your side.. keep lotsa tissues to spit out mendhi fed burfee.. And most of all dont chew, just gulp.. Toilet paper betta be stocked up at home.. Ur ppl then get to feed the bride and trust me they very leniant as women are faulty.. So they take it easy.. Best excuse i heard was, “No bhai, she’s diabetic”.. To which i replied “Its ok, im sure she has a good medical aid”… Then thats done… And u ready to leave after the CHAI PAANI.. (tea party)
Upon leaving the presents get dished out.. Now this is way too extravagent for my liking.. They buy u clothes and perfume and shoes and other kak u dont need and we do the same.. My engagement present will be… ” A TREASURE CHEST, DECORATED WITH GEMS AND FILLED WITH 10 - 15k CASH” (depending on inflation at the time).. Go buy your own gifts.. I think thats a bril idea.. And please dont buy me shirts and sweaters.. I dont wear em.. They will end up making my cupboard looking colorful.. Once that is done.. U go home.. Driving home from a sarbat is always long.. I dunno why.. Maybe its the biryani..
KiLLa

6 comments:

  1. Mendhi "not a hillsborough" LoverFriday, 26 September, 2008

    I want to know what the guys think about mendhi on the hands.

    As was mentioned above

    Mendhi "not a hillsborough" Lover

    ReplyDelete
  2. Where does Killa work.

    i want a job there as it seems he does fokol the whole day

    ReplyDelete
  3. anonymous. its people like you that visit muslima.com and do f0kol the whole day. dont worry where he works, his articles are hilarious. as swoosh said if you dont want to read, dont click

    bloddy hilarious!

    asharaf caledon

    ReplyDelete
  4. I hate mendhi on the hands. especially on the toes. ugggggggggg

    Bilal Benchot

    ReplyDelete
  5. yeah mehndi ... it klanks
    nose ring and mendhi = india sapats and fri toes toes

    ReplyDelete
  6. hilarious, well done killa, for swoosh inflation will make that 100k cash in teh treasure chest.

    ReplyDelete

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