Tuesday, April 13, 2010
DONT CLOSE THE DARWAJOH
By Uncle Bhai Gora
BHAI GORA ON GOLF ,THE MASTERS AND TIGER AND PUNANI
Thats what I say......PUNANI can never be bad for you. It always helps you in the long run. It fucks you up in the short run but POP Syndrome reigns supreme. Il share a story of how Punani changes a man. I believe it alvays changes a man for da better. I mean how can it not.
Da first time I tasted vas back in Fietas or Apartheid days, I vill never forget, I remember valking up to dis place and I seen vite girl for first time at Wanderers Cricket ground,Charo section. Everybody say Bhai Gora you cant go there. I say I need to piss man..Dey say you need to piss in brown toilet. I say Vat da hell,,I come from India .Vat does it matter..Brown toilet,White Toilet,black toilet...in India ve have no toilet.Ve have holes. Beside dat hardware shop got different color toilets. Dey say
Bhai Gora u not understand...It not color of toilet. I say vat you know. I go in dis section and I say AREH WAH..Im only brown man here..and everybody looking at me.I say can I use da latrine please.U know I speak French. Everybody stand up. One big guy comes to me and says.Jy ken ons,ons is ET se mense en ons is van die AWB. I say Arehwah wat you say Im UBG. Dey say wat u doing here.Dis is white toilets. I say Of course I can see da color of da toilets. Den I see two black umphans running out.Did huge man say .Ay bruin man..Waneer jy gaan swart jy gaan nie trug nie.I Say im focken confused here. Vat is dis infatuation with color. Dey say Jy ken Ventersdorp..I say ek het a dop dats vy I come here. Den I see dis beautiful white girl. Our eyes lock . She say Hoe gaan dit.Jy better het n plan hiesore vant hierdie mense sal jy opvok. I here fok and I say "oooh bor garem che. Owee Owee Chore Chore pyaar he. And form that day on Inter racial relationships in South Africa were born.
Only after did I realise what was going on. Den I learned about how Apartheid was for Charo owes in South Africa. It was hard. Everything separate.But dat was da past.
I know Im different here but Punani stared me in the face and it was da Punani dat altered history in South Africa,
Many years later I found myself being Wingman for Tiger Woods in Augusta. Looking after da women while he went swinging.
Charows are loving Golf dese days. You walk in Pro Shop you meet Chaar owes. Veh you going. Oh we going on holiday.Just the Boys. What you mean just the boys. Oh no Golfing Holiday.
Dey say dehs nothing better than the crisp air at 6am in da morning with nature in your face. No vrous to make your balls heavy. I hear words like Pinnacle Point,Leopard Creek, Pazula, Sun City, Lost City,Ping,Calloway. Mamadali, and of course Tiger Woods.
All attention was on Tiger at the masters.Questions were asked. How will he perform.Will he be the same. Of course he will be the same. Its Punani. It affects every man.Punani is not a drug.Its more like a f34ken Panado or aspirin. You have it wen you feeling down. Even though he didnt win Tiger did well. He f34ked up on the last day but he went out swinging.
But Poor Tiger. Poor man jols 12 women in 12 days and he is a womaniser and sex addict.
Julio Iglesiuis jols 3000 women in 30 days and he is a DON. WTF. Is that racism lol.
I know a Indian owe dat bedded over 2000 women and he put chamboosey on all of them You know dat caramel and chocolate pudding. Vat makes him different from Tiger.
Jhon Terry,Tiger Woods, Mike Tyson,Christiano Ronaldo....and you and me we are all victims of the POP Syndrome. Even f34ken Eric Forester. Do all the people say Oh Eric Forester how is he gonna act today after all dat Punani. Bullshit I say..He becomes a better man.
"A lion never cheats on his wife, A Tiger Wood"
Four-times champion Woods, playing his first event in nearly five months following startling revelations at the end of last year about his serial philandering, endured a roller-coaster day.
He started out poorly with three bogeys in the first five holes before holing out from the fairway to eagle the 7th and then recording birdies at 8 and 9.
After mixing bogeys at the 11th and 14th with a birdie at the 13th, he collected another eagle when he coaxed in a 15-footer at the par-five 15th before signing off with a six-foot birdie putt at the last.
"I finished fourth, not what I wanted," said Woods, who came under intense scrutiny from the fans and media all week. "I wanted to win this tournament.
"As the week went on, I kept hitting the ball worse."
Asked when he was likely to return to the PGA Tour, he replied: "I'm going to take a little time off and kind of re-evaluate things."
Mickelson, who won his first two Masters crowns in 2004 and 2006, effectively wrapped up the title with back-to-back birdies from the par-three 12th, where he rolled in a curling 14-footer.
He narrowly missed an eagle from just three feet at the par-five 13th, after hitting a stunning blow with a six-iron from 207 yards through a four-foot gap between two pine trees, before holing out from a similar distance coming back.
That put him two strokes clear before he picked up another shot at the par-five 15th, where he reached the green in two and two-putted, to tighten his grip on a third Green Jacket.
After dat I met Arnold Palmer and Jack Niclaus....and no guessing where we ended up or what we ended up doing.........And Augusta eventually yielded a Happy Ending.